THE ABSOLUTE single most desired quality in a mate is TRUST. .. apparently..... who would have thought? Can you give this gift to your mate?

I just saw a post online asking people what they consider to be the most important thing that they desire in their relationships. I was stunned. Out of over 840 plus responses about 99% said "TRUST"! WOW! What a multitude of short-comings could be covered by this one positive trait. Sounds simple, but, it is absolutely NOT that simple.

Of the 840 plus people responding I doubt they were all thinking the same thing when they answered "trust". Most people instinctively default into thinking we are talking about trusting your mate not to get involved with other people..... to remain faithful. Well, that is certainly central to the whole concept of trust. However, you can be totally monogamous and still fall short of the "trust" factor.

When you are in a relationship that you have invested your life in, made sacrifices for, and are committed to at the exclusion of all other options, you need the security to know you can “trust” your life (or potential life) partner. What exactly does this mean?

Well, it means that your mate can trust you to be who you present yourself to be. That in every situation you are in, your mate will be honoured and respected by your words and your actions. That your word is true, without shadow of meaning, without omission, without subterfuge. That you will speak truth even when you know the reaction will be undesirable. [ However, speaking undesirable truth losses it's positive effect if not followed immediately with a plan (sometimes mutual) to not cause that action to be a future offence again.] That when you say you will do something it will be done when you said it would be done. That you can be trusted to have your mate's back; to help carry their (and your shared) “load”. That you can be trusted to be there in the difficult times. That your mate is a priority and will not be at the end of a long “to do” list. That you will make an effort to understand the needs of your mate and make a deliberate effort to meet them regularly, especially if those are not your needs and you do not think them to be important.

Most of all, every intimate relationship is an emotional relationship. Your mate will need to know that they can trust you to make the time daily for an emotional connection, and for emotional support. They must be able to trust that your love comes not just with words, but with demonstrated action, with touch, with comfort, with encouragement.

Trust.... a complex multifaceted thing. Very easy to write about. Very easy to read about. Almost sounds simple to execute.

However, this will be the most difficult thing you will ever attempt in your relationship. Do not give up when you slip now and again, because you will..... often! The longer you work on this the more “second nature” it will become.

To be effective this “trust” thing works really well when two people deliberately set out together to be “trust” worthy to each other, at any cost. Do not just attempt to be trustworthy to your partner, tell them. You will be amazed of how conscious you will become about every word that comes from your mouth once you tell your spouse/partner/mate that you will never lie to them or try to deceive them. You instinctively know that once you tell someone you will never lie to them, and then you do, you have destroyed it all. It will take you a long time, if not a life-time to recover that trust.

So.... what do I think about my marriage every single day you ask? Well......

Long before I met my wife I had decided to start drinking my coffee black. Again, why you ask?

Well.... basically because I am lazy. I try to organize my life around things that require little maintenance and upkeep. I just found the hassle of explaining to the nice lady at Timmies "exactly" how much sugar and cream.... black was just easier. At home I found it easier to just pour the coffee and walk away.

So... then I marry a girl who won't drink her coffee black. Not only does she need "cream" (not milk) but also honey (not sugar). Crazy.... I know.... who does that??

So every morning when I make our coffee, I am thinking: "This plan sure didn't work out like I thought it would." Like, every time I make coffee for the two of us I just can't shake this thought... it has stuck with me over the years. Weird huh?

Yesterday I posted a meme explaining that in a long lasting relationship neither party will get all they want .... and that is ok.. What you actually do have is so much more valuable than all the stuff you thought was important but turned out to be nothing.

I so enjoy the times we get to have our coffee in bed after breakfast together.... I so enjoy grabbing a coffee at Timmies and driving down to the lake or into the mountains and just talking. We can still do that after 47 years together. But hey, that is how it all started .... over coffee. Our first date was 6 hours (plus) long in a restaurant over coffee and apple pie.

So.... you know what the second thing I think every single morning after making two coffees.... one with cream and honey? "I really love making coffee with cream and honey! I am so blessed..."

Saw this online today. It made me chuckle. Cheesy... but hides a really big truth.

When your gal or guy goes out the door every day, any deep unmet need makes them more vulnerable to anyone who offers to meet that need.
Do not take your spouse for granted in any area. Make an effort to know their basic needs.

If your person seeks admiration, then you must be the one to admire them the most.

If your person needs touch, then they must get all they need from you.

If your person needs understanding, compassion, and an ear to hear about their day, it must be you.

If your person needs to have you in their life and needs your presence, it must be you that is there for that.

If your person needs to feel special and have someone demonstrate that, let it be you.

If they need a sandwich.... well.... just don't let them come to expect there is someone else just a phone call away with a Subway gift card.

Just don't. ..